02 June 2005
Tribal harems
I have tears in my eyes and my heart is high. I have just been moved by my identification with this text by Ethan Watters:
Having delayed marriage into our late twenties and thirties we lived with a remarkable amount of personal autonomy to make up our lives as we went along. This did not feel like some sort of multiple choice freedom, but rather the type of freedom that could descend on us like a cyclone—erasing landmarks and spinning us around until we were dizzy with the complexity and sheer number of options that swirled around us. We didn’t talk about it much because freedom is a hard thing to identify in one’s own life. Given that freedom is, for the most part, an absence of restraints, we rarely stopped to count the things we were not bound by. I decided that was exactly what I needed to do.
This was from his book Urban Tribes. It hits me so hard because THIS is exactly the life I lead. I have a life full of freedom. I have no restraints. When I stop and think about how unbounded or untrapped I am, I fill up with such emotion that I cry!
At 30 years old I feel like the whole world exists before me. I have a degree in dentistry so I can work where ever I want, whenever I want, and get cashed up to do what ever I want. I have no dependants who drain from me. I have no business to commit to. I have no oppressive boyfriend who demands anything from me. I have absolute freedom! I feel extremely privileged to have been born into an ordinary Australian family, and allowed to make my own choices throughout my life. I chose to re-educate myself about life via an arts degree at QUT. I am here learning about other people in my age group who are in similar circumstances, and being moved to tears in the process. It's moments like these that make me remember why I do the things I do.
My social network is also extremely similar to the tribes that Ethan describes. It has always been my intent not to marry, and it seems my friends are of the same mindset. The reason for avoidance is freedom. I personally believe that life is about changes, and experiences and enjoyment. Everything changes with time; friends; home; jobs; interests. It makes no sense to me to resist change by dogmaticly abiding to the rules set down on one special day - the wedding day. Why on earth would I declare something (like my attraction to another human being) that is going to last until my death? I would not declare anything about myself that is going to stay fixed until my death. We live in fluid times where change is increasing. (Blame the black hole at the centre of our galaxy for that.) The dynamics of interaction that comes from a social group or groups even, allow for so much more growth and understanding than can be gained from locking into the headspace of one human being, forever. It makes sense to share the love.
When you think about all the problems in the world they mainly stem from greed. Every-one is competing to have the most wealth, and with this wealth they protect their immediate interests - their family. This leaves others who are less able to acquire wealth, to struggle - family or not. If we instead viewed humanity as our tribe, then we would all be aiming to feed the others amongst us so our global family members would not suffer. We need to redefine family.
The fact that nuclear families are breaking down is a blessing really. They are not healthy. They prohibit growth and experience. They often end traumaticly with divorce and pain. Single parents are left to hunt for another partner, in a (traditional) society that views them as damaged goods. To have 3 kids from 3 marriages is somehow seen to be distasteful, or even to be a failure.
It doesn't have to be this way! By treating our tribes as our family, we can share the burden of child rearing with a group. Having 3 different fathers could be a blessing, when all 3 of them are part of your circle of friends, and none of them are at war with each other over "lost property". I personally want to sample the gene pool and take samples from the best. Why double dip really? That's just greedy. When society changes its perception about single parents then we can see a warmer integration of people into collectives where parenthood will be seen as a group activity. Becoming a single parent is not a failure, but rather a step up to another level of interaction and a chance for greater growth.
The internet aids this assimilation by offering groups where people with similar interests can form communities. Particularly glocal communities where people can form offline friendships too. Communities or tribes are not just a fad, they are the future. As religious identification pales by the wayside, so too will the laws of marriage in future generations. We may not be becoming any less spiritual, but perhaps just not so indoctrined to primitive ways of living.
Having delayed marriage into our late twenties and thirties we lived with a remarkable amount of personal autonomy to make up our lives as we went along. This did not feel like some sort of multiple choice freedom, but rather the type of freedom that could descend on us like a cyclone—erasing landmarks and spinning us around until we were dizzy with the complexity and sheer number of options that swirled around us. We didn’t talk about it much because freedom is a hard thing to identify in one’s own life. Given that freedom is, for the most part, an absence of restraints, we rarely stopped to count the things we were not bound by. I decided that was exactly what I needed to do.
This was from his book Urban Tribes. It hits me so hard because THIS is exactly the life I lead. I have a life full of freedom. I have no restraints. When I stop and think about how unbounded or untrapped I am, I fill up with such emotion that I cry!
At 30 years old I feel like the whole world exists before me. I have a degree in dentistry so I can work where ever I want, whenever I want, and get cashed up to do what ever I want. I have no dependants who drain from me. I have no business to commit to. I have no oppressive boyfriend who demands anything from me. I have absolute freedom! I feel extremely privileged to have been born into an ordinary Australian family, and allowed to make my own choices throughout my life. I chose to re-educate myself about life via an arts degree at QUT. I am here learning about other people in my age group who are in similar circumstances, and being moved to tears in the process. It's moments like these that make me remember why I do the things I do.
My social network is also extremely similar to the tribes that Ethan describes. It has always been my intent not to marry, and it seems my friends are of the same mindset. The reason for avoidance is freedom. I personally believe that life is about changes, and experiences and enjoyment. Everything changes with time; friends; home; jobs; interests. It makes no sense to me to resist change by dogmaticly abiding to the rules set down on one special day - the wedding day. Why on earth would I declare something (like my attraction to another human being) that is going to last until my death? I would not declare anything about myself that is going to stay fixed until my death. We live in fluid times where change is increasing. (Blame the black hole at the centre of our galaxy for that.) The dynamics of interaction that comes from a social group or groups even, allow for so much more growth and understanding than can be gained from locking into the headspace of one human being, forever. It makes sense to share the love.
When you think about all the problems in the world they mainly stem from greed. Every-one is competing to have the most wealth, and with this wealth they protect their immediate interests - their family. This leaves others who are less able to acquire wealth, to struggle - family or not. If we instead viewed humanity as our tribe, then we would all be aiming to feed the others amongst us so our global family members would not suffer. We need to redefine family.
The fact that nuclear families are breaking down is a blessing really. They are not healthy. They prohibit growth and experience. They often end traumaticly with divorce and pain. Single parents are left to hunt for another partner, in a (traditional) society that views them as damaged goods. To have 3 kids from 3 marriages is somehow seen to be distasteful, or even to be a failure.
It doesn't have to be this way! By treating our tribes as our family, we can share the burden of child rearing with a group. Having 3 different fathers could be a blessing, when all 3 of them are part of your circle of friends, and none of them are at war with each other over "lost property". I personally want to sample the gene pool and take samples from the best. Why double dip really? That's just greedy. When society changes its perception about single parents then we can see a warmer integration of people into collectives where parenthood will be seen as a group activity. Becoming a single parent is not a failure, but rather a step up to another level of interaction and a chance for greater growth.
The internet aids this assimilation by offering groups where people with similar interests can form communities. Particularly glocal communities where people can form offline friendships too. Communities or tribes are not just a fad, they are the future. As religious identification pales by the wayside, so too will the laws of marriage in future generations. We may not be becoming any less spiritual, but perhaps just not so indoctrined to primitive ways of living.
